In my last post, I mentioned how crucial it is our children receive quality one-on-one time from individuals willing to invest in them. This is a cinch when my husband and I take our kids to grandma and grandpa's or to an aunt or uncle's house. They love our kids in the same way we love our kids. Unfortunately due to my husband's military resident's life, these people are anywhere from 5hrs to two days away. It's a drag, but it's simply what God has put on our plate. I'm not a complainer. I think complaining is a symptom of needing to make a change or simply needing to arise to the challenge. So, here's what I have learned from raising kids away from home for the last 6 years.
My husband works over 100+ hrs a week. I can not do it all on my own! I need backup! And yes, this was learned the hard way.
The Game Plan:
As soon as we move, I immediately start plugging in. That means getting to know the neighbors ASAP. I am the crazy lady who will say hello to the stranger walking by my house with kids in tow. She has kids, I have kids. That's all that goes through my brain. I have been trained to not wait on others, but to make the move myself. It's called social survival!
Our next move is plugging into a church that is like minded. This is something I dread each move. Finding a church is so personal and the people I meet there so often become like family. Recently my husband and I discovered the Acts 29 Network. It is our new source to finding a church. Google it if you're curious! It was definitely a great guide for us. Our current church reads scripture to and prays over our 10 month old daughter in nursery. Does it get better than that?
Our kids go to public school and ride the bus. This was a no-brainer to us because both my husband and I attended public school, however I had no idea how advantageous it was going to be for our family socially. Through waiting at the bus stop with my oldest, I met one of my best friends last year (she has since moved away thanks to her husband's military job - that's why you make friends fast!). I also met half of the neighborhood kids, as did my girls. My quiet, lonely, oldest child began to flourish socially. And these people lived right by us, making play dates and meeting up at the pool no big deal. Not to mention, it saved us a lot of gas money and the tuition of a private school that might be a little further away. If you are worried about my children's education, don't. I look at public school as supplementation. It is my job to make sure my kids learn what they need to. And I am convinced they can get a wonderful education in public school. I may as a mom need to do extra, get involved, stay in close contact with my children's teacher to make sure that happens. But that is my responsibility as a parent. And it's very doable. My husband and I can honestly not afford private school for all of our children. And going the public school route allows us to save for college and to take a family vacation during the year. This too is a very personal decision, but I can't tell you enough how great it has been in helping us plug into the neighborhood!
Get your kids into the local dance studio, soccer team, swim instructor, etc. Joel and I have lived on a very tight budget our entire marriage thanks to medical school and wanting to stay out of as much debt as possible. Sometimes doing a mother's day out program or putting our kid on the local soccer team has meant that I've had to devote some of my time to couponing - not my favorite way to spend my time. But, I can't rave enough about how great it feels as a mom to see my kids making friend and learning real life lessons through the activities we have put them in. A month ago my heart ached for my daughter when in rehearsal she melted into a hundred pieces because she couldn't find her spot in the dance line, but then after a heart to heart with her Grammy Ann, the next night at the recital she found her spot and danced her little tooshy off! I was so proud! She was a come back kid! And she now knows that you can make a mistake and still come out on top. In soccer one year my daughter lucked out and scored 3 goals in one game. The next game she scored only 1 and melted at the end of the game. In her mind she had wanted to score more than 3 and was devastated she hadn't. Can you tell she is a perfectionist? Her dad was able to talk her through it and explain to her that all he, me, or God ever expect of her is her best. And that is enough. She has gradually gotten better and better at failing. Which is making it more easy for her to succeed. These are opportunities our girls are getting thanks to going to weekly practices, games, and performances. On my end, it's a ton of work. I don't have anyone to help me get the kids there! But at the end of every season, I am so thankful we were able to do it. Thankful enough that I somehow signed up as their soccer coach this fall. I'll let you know how that goes. It should be interesting since I know nothing about soccer!
Living away from family is tough. But it can be done and done well. Your community of neighbors, teachers, coaches, babysitters, church, etc. will become your family and your life-line. Keep an open door policy and reach out! Your kids will learn so much from your example when you do! And don't forget, we serve Jehovah. A God who never leaves us. A God who is always with us.
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