Reaching our Children at the Breakfast Table

     I was day dreaming last night before I went to bed.  A flashback took me to when I was six or seven years old sitting at my Nana and Papa's kitchen table.  My Nana had made a wonderful breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast.  And my Papa sat in the chair next to me reading the paper.  As I scratched at my plate, my Papa eyed me over his paper and then went to his drawer and grabbed a small pocket sized devotional book.  He flipped through the devotions and then marked a page and handed it to me to read.  No one had ever done that to me before.  I was the fourth child of what was at the time five, later to be seven.  One on one time didn't happen often.  My parents were at the time on a trip to Colorado with the older kids and had left me behind with my grandparents.  I looked at this devotion and could hardly understand it.  The words were long and there was some old English being used.  Papa let me look at that page for about five minutes.  I then stared blankly at him wishing I could understand this page without pictures.   My papa then scooted over and lovingly read it with me.  He then began to ask me all sorts of questions about what we had just read.  I remember feeling like it was the first time someone had challenged me to focus and think for myself.  Once we were done, he got up again and brought back a blank piece of paper.  His major in college had been mathematics, so it doesn't shock me at all now to remember him scribbling down square roots for a seven year old and teaching me how to do it.  I'll never forget going into the fourth grade and wowing everyone with my superior knowledge of math thanks to precious time spent with papa.  I didn't go to my grandparents often.  Just for holidays and special occasions.  I can't help but remember what an impression this one on one time early in the morning before we started our day made on me.  It's so easy to get lost in all there is to do and to forget how special those moments are when our children are wide awake and sponge material - ready to absorb anything and everything that comes their way.
      Twenty years later, I am a parent.  I am busy.  But I can't shake the bar that was set for me that one morning at my grandparents' house.  What does it look like when then is done regularly?  What are the results of that for my children?  My hope is that at the breakfast table I can purposefully put something under my girls to think about while they're eating their breakfast.  Something to challenge them; to get them thinking and discussing new concepts.   I love the idea of a short devotional because God's word is referred to in the bible as our "daily bread".  We need it and we need it everyday.  What better time than to feed my kids their daily bread than in the morning, so they will not hunger for it the rest of the day?
     I also love that Papa taught me about something he knew well: math.  To this day I am incredible at math.  I thank him for my start and my 4th grade teacher Mr. Stone, a teacher who also challenged me.  Papa's demonstration with math encourages me to this day to share with my children what I know and love about this world: gardening, sports, reading, math, crafts, baking, etc.  Whatever skill or tricks you know, however useless you might think it is, share it with your child.  When you light up, they will light up.  And you may be surprised to see your passions passed down.  Isn't it a wonder how impressionable young children are?

"The fondest memories are made when gathered around the table."

Committing to a Busy Fall Schedule

     We have a month left of summer.  For me, that means I need to solidify our fall schedule.  K-Bear this year will be diving into full day Kindergarten (I am crying inside at the thought of my 5, almost 6 year old being gone most of the day!)  and Chair-bug will be headed to half day Pre-K.  That leaves me and the baby by ourselves for 3 hrs a day and then after Chair-bug comes home another 4 hours before K-bear will be home.    It's challenging when you have a half day kid, because that immediately means I can't go to the women's morning bible study, join Bible Study Fellowship, or go to the local Moms of Preschooler's Group.  All of these social mom's groups start an hour before Chair-bug comes home and end an hour afterwards around lunch time.  We dealt with this same issue last year when K-bear was in Pre-K.  It's a season.  At least that's what my husband keeps telling me.  He's right.  It's just hard for someone who enjoys people!

    I was going to keep the fall very simple.  The girls would go to school, play soccer, and practice their piano.  However, my two little girls are more ambitious than their mother and apparently my husband and I are suckers.  I mean, they are only this young once!  And I do stay at home for a reason, right?  The girls have requested to continue ballet/jazz class and to continue gymnastics.  That would mean soccer twice a week, piano once, ballet once, and gymnastics another.  Don't forget I work a few evening a week.  What this means is insane taxi shuttling for me.  I do like a challenge, though.  I have heard over and over from other moms, my own mom included, not to over schedule.  But I like to learn things for myself now and then.  The worst thing that could happen is we have to drop a class or two.  So, here's to the fullest schedule I've ever taken on as a mom.  I believe the key will be preparation and organization.  If I can stay on top of these two things, the fall will go well.  We'll take one day at a time.  And I'll keep you up to par with how it goes and what I learn from the experience as a mom.

      Why spend so much time and energy on my kids?  I am all for investing in my two oldest as much as I can because I know whatever is invested in them will be passed on to their younger siblings.  Think of it as a trickle down effect.  I witnessed this in my own family.  I am the middle child of seven and the oldest two were who we all looked up to.  We wanted to wear what they wore, play the sports they played, talk their talk, and mimic them in every way possible.  Kids mimic older kids..  It's what they do.  So if you want more than one kid, pay special attention to the character you are investing into the oldest.  It's bound to rub off for the better or worse on the rest of your children!  Especially when you're not looking!  

Sibling Blunders

The dreaded day came: July 1st.  I have known since the first day of residency Joel would have to serve 8 months away from home, in increments of two.  This July is the first round of two months of no Joel.  No Joel equals no help.  It's a bit like single parenting, except I don't have to worry about the financial support. (I would not wish single parenting on my worst enemy!)  On the upside, these two months, he gets to come home on weekends; a huge plus! I honestly had no idea what to expect out of these atypical months.  I decided I would do my best to keep the girls busier than normal, so they wouldn't notice daddy's absence.  That's worked okay. So far, my largest draining factor is being the sole disciplinarian during the week.  I can hear it ringing in my head: our two girls fighting over whose crown is whose.  And then fighting over who had the most strawberries.  And then fighting over who is making up all the rules and being bossy.  When it comes down to it, all my mom ears hear is "me, me, me."   It doesn't help when daddy comes home on the weekend and gives into their every whim because he wants them to love it when he's home - completely understandable!  

 

We'll see how the rest of July and August go.  My kids are obviously gravitating towards selfishness.  They are not seeing each other's point of views at all.  So, I'm the proactive type.   When an issue arises, I don't like it to linger.  I typically nip it as quickly as possible.  

Game Plan:

I'm looking for practical ways to encourage random acts of kindness.  Perhaps I could model serving others around us better?  Sometimes I feel like it's all we can do to simply survive the day.  I'm thinking our best option is to start small (my tendency is to overdo it) with making the neighbors who just moved in cookies?   In the bible Jesus modeled servant-hood to his disciples.  It was a large focus in His ministry.  If it was His focus and He is Lord of my life, it needs to be my focus as well.  My bend is to put my time into my kid's education and activities.  Maybe I have it all wrong.  While I process what this looks like, I will be looking for scripture to speak into my children's hearts to build one another up and to treat each other the way they themselves want to be treated.  A constant battle for the next decade?  Most likely.  Wish the tired Mom good luck!  Another cup of coffee, please?

Living Away From Family Changes Things

"It takes a village to raise a kid."

    In my last post, I mentioned how crucial it is our children receive quality one-on-one time from individuals willing to invest in them.  This is a cinch when my husband and I take our kids to grandma and grandpa's or to an aunt or uncle's house.  They love our kids in the same way we love our kids.  Unfortunately due to my husband's military resident's life, these people are anywhere from 5hrs to two days away.  It's a drag, but it's simply what God has put on our plate. I'm not a complainer.  I think complaining is a symptom of needing to make a change or simply needing to arise to the challenge.  So, here's what I have learned from raising kids away from home for the last 6 years.

My husband works over 100+ hrs a week.  I can not do it all on my own!  I need backup!  And yes, this was learned the hard way.

The Game Plan:
    As soon as we move, I immediately start plugging in.  That means getting to know the neighbors ASAP.  I am the crazy lady who will say hello to the stranger walking by my house with kids in tow.  She has kids, I have kids.  That's all that goes through my brain.  I have been trained to not wait on others, but to make the move myself.  It's called social survival!
     Our next move is plugging into a church that is like minded.  This is something I dread each move.  Finding a church is so personal and the people I meet there so often become like family.  Recently my husband and I discovered the Acts 29 Network.  It is our new source to finding a church.  Google it if you're curious!  It was definitely a great guide for us.  Our current church reads scripture to and prays over our 10 month old daughter in nursery.  Does it get better than that?
     Our kids go to public school and ride the bus.  This was a no-brainer to us because both my husband and I attended public school, however I had no idea how advantageous it was going to be for our family socially.  Through waiting at the bus stop with my oldest, I met one of my best friends last year (she has since moved away thanks to her husband's military job - that's why you make friends fast!).  I also met half of the neighborhood kids, as did my girls.  My quiet, lonely, oldest child began to flourish socially.  And these people lived right by us, making play dates and meeting up at the pool no big deal.  Not to mention, it saved us a lot of gas money and the tuition of a private school that might be a little further away.  If you are worried about my children's education, don't.  I look at public school as supplementation.  It is my job to make sure my kids learn what they need to.  And I am convinced they can get a wonderful education in public school.  I may as a mom need to do extra, get involved, stay in close contact with my children's teacher to make sure that happens.  But that is my responsibility as a parent.  And it's very doable.  My husband and I can honestly not afford private school for all of our children.  And going the public school route allows us to save for college and to take a family vacation during the year.  This too is a very personal decision, but I can't tell you enough how great it has been in helping us plug into the neighborhood!
     Get your kids into the local dance studio, soccer team, swim instructor, etc.  Joel and I have lived on a very tight budget our entire marriage thanks to medical school and wanting to stay out of as much debt as possible.  Sometimes doing a mother's day out program or putting our kid on the local soccer team has meant that I've had to devote some of my time to couponing - not my favorite way to spend my time.  But, I can't rave enough about how great it feels as a mom to see my kids making friend and learning real life lessons through the activities we have put them in.   A month ago my heart ached for my daughter when in rehearsal she melted into a hundred pieces because she couldn't find her spot in the dance line, but then after a heart to heart with her Grammy Ann, the next night at the recital she found her spot and danced her little tooshy off!  I was so proud!  She was a come back kid!  And she now knows that you can make a mistake and still come out on top.  In soccer one year my daughter lucked out and scored 3 goals in one game.  The next game she scored only 1 and melted at the end of the game.  In her mind she had wanted to score more than 3 and was devastated she hadn't.  Can you tell she is a perfectionist?  Her dad was able to talk her through it and explain to her that all he, me, or God ever expect of her is her best.  And that is enough.  She has gradually gotten better and better at failing.  Which is making it more easy for her to succeed.  These are opportunities our girls are getting thanks to going to weekly practices, games, and performances.  On my end, it's a ton of work.  I don't have anyone to help me get the kids there!   But at the end of every season, I am so thankful we were able to do it.  Thankful enough that I somehow signed up as their soccer coach this fall.  I'll let you know how that goes.  It should be interesting since I know nothing about soccer!

     Accumulate a list of babysitters you trust!  When you meet another mom you like, ask who she uses and how much she pays.  Anyone you see thriving in your community, ask them if they know of a sitter.  Even if they don't know of one, the topic is a great conversation starter and you may have a new friend!   If you are lucky enough, you may be able to find another parent willing to swap babysitting time.  This is hands down  my favorite method.  And to the parents who have done this with our own family, I am eternally grateful!  It's a little harder to find the more your family grows, but it never hurts to ask!  When you find those trust worthy, precious sitters who will give you time to breath here and there, make sure to pay them well!  Don't expect to pay $5/hr. Minimum wage is at $7 these days.  If you want to make sure they are available to help you, make it worth their time.
   Living away from family is tough.  But it can be done and done well.  Your community of neighbors, teachers, coaches, babysitters, church, etc. will become your family and your life-line.  Keep an open door policy and reach out!   Your kids will learn so much from your example when you do!  And don't forget, we serve Jehovah.  A God who never leaves us.  A God who is always with us.
 
 
   

If You are Going to Make a Home, Make a Home you Love

If you want a home you love, you must invest your time and energy into it.     

    I have a tendency to be an all or nothing person.  I am either completely distant or I am fully engaged.  In my moments of distance, I am left unhappy, unfulfilled, depressed, and uneasy.  I let my kids play on their own, watch tv, and do educational activities by themselves.  I simply do the duties of washing dishes and laundry because after all they have to be done.  I wander from room to room aimlessly as if I don't know where to start because I am overwhelmed.  When I am distant, I am at my lowest.  On the flip side, when I am engaged I am just the opposite: thriving, unstoppable, joyful, and completely fulfilled.  I pour into my kids and I love it!  I get on the floor and I play with them, read to them, tickle them, take them out for bike rides and ride with them.  I meet them in those moments of curiosity that are so precious and life giving!

As Christ did life with his disciples, fully engaged, I do life with my children, fully engaged.   And it works!  They are happy!  I am happy!  It is a life worth living!  My oldest child is 5, almost 6.  And it has taken me years to realize how to activate my soul.  How to flourish.  How to be a mom who can inspire her children and take them the distance.  I am not perfect.  I will be the first in line to tell you that.  But I am useless when I leave my kids to learn about this world by themselves.  They need me to disciple them.  To admit to them that mommy doesn't have it all together, but mommy is going to do her best, because they deserve it.  

     I am not the only mom out there who hits those lows and aimlessly walks around their house overwhelmed by the needs of their young children and husband.  As moms we are the glue of the family.  Our mood effects the mood of everyone else in our house.  When we respect our husbands, our children learn respect.  They so easily follow our lead, for the better or worse.
     This blog is a pursuit to hold myself accountable and to encourage other moms to dive head first into motherhood, "giving" our time and energy to our families, so that our families may "have" a strong foundation of confidence and love.  I have come to believe that our children grow in confidence and in love through quality one-on-one time spent with people who are willing to invest in them.  Who better to invest in a child than a parent?  These years are far too precious and far too few to waste!  Get on that floor and play with your child.  Invest!  Get outside and paint with your child.  Invest!  Grab a glove and throw a ball with your child.  Invest!  What ever it is you love to do, do it alongside your child. Invest!  After all, the more you sow, the more you reap.  The clock is ticking...cheers to parenting!  

"Parent is a very, not a noun."

-Unknown